Just Getting My Thoughts Out.

Are there any guys out there who just want to be friends? I find it crazy that most of the guys I know, talk with, or am around for a while, seem like they have one thing on their mind: flirting or dating. Now, I'm not saying that all guys are like that. I know some guys who want friendship, not a romantic relationship, with a girl. To any guys out there who hang out with girls sometimes and aren't flirty -- who want to have an actual conversation about things that mean something, not just tell jokes and flirt -- STAY THE WAY YOU ARE!!! I'm not into guys -- never dated, courted, or any other name for a romantic relationship between a guy and a girl -- but sometimes it is a relief to have a sensible conversation with a guy. I don't mean talking theology or psycology, or whatever-ology :p I just mean, a conversation that actually matters. There are very few guys that I talk with that seem to care about me at all beyond what pleasure they can get out of their time with me: laughs, flirting, whatever. And a lot of girls I talk with don't seem to care, either. They talk about fashion, boys, famous people, etc. And when I don't show an interest, I get the idea from them that anyone who doesn't like what they like, isn't worth the effort to get to know. Now, I'm not out to bash other girls, but, in all seriousness, they can be pretty silly, giggly, and vain sometimes. I know I'm no exception. It's just the way a lot of girls are wired. But, we can do something about it... called maturing. Yeah, I know maturing is something that happens over time, but it is also partially a choice. You will never mature if you don't choose to. If you think you can sit back and enjoy life with no work on your part, and somehow end up a good person with a good life, you are sadly mistaken. It takes working, sometimes working hard, to grow up. Also, it takes a work of God to set someone on the right path. I know that I myself wouldn't be at all matured if I wasn't a Christian. Right now, I don't care about dating/courting, don't care about fashion, and don't care a whole lot about what others think of me. I am very shy and nervous around new people, though, so if I act weird or giggly or barely talk, blame it on shyness. I have a lot of different ways I act around people I'm not around much, and how I act depends somewhat on how the person I'm with acts. So, any of you guys who know me outside of a computer screen, please, treat me like I know more than just clothes, lots of friends, and guys, because, in reality, I barely know any of those three, but I do know many things about other topics. I volunteer at the aquarium, I love animals, the outdoors, dancing, music, and the few friends I have. I'm a shy person and sometimes it's hard for me to break out of this shell of nervousness and hesitancy that I hide behind. You may not even realize it, but I am a very hesitant person. I over-analyze everything I do or want to do. I try to reach out sometimes, but everytime I get rejected or ignored, it takes something out of me. Here's a poem that I wrote about this. Some of you may have heard me give it in a class. It's called "The Odd One Out."

"I’m the odd one out. I’m the one in the back who sits by herself. I don’t laugh at dirty jokes; Don’t giggle about guys; I’ve got an odd sense of humor that nobody gets, but me. I’m the odd one out. I don’t use bad words. I don’t take God’s name in vain, Or laugh when others do. I’m not a flirt, Not a tomboy. I’m just me. I’m the odd one out. I don’t like giving in. But when I know I’m wrong, I take it as well as I can. I like arguing with friends, But our fighting’s all play, As you’ll know, if you’re around us long.   I’m the odd one out. I don’t have many friends, But with the friends I have, I’m true to the end. I’m shy, and don’t talk well, but when I talk, I say the wrong things. So I don’t talk at all. I’m the odd one out. If I’m with someone I don’t know, I may as well be alone, Because my mind goes blank, My hands get shaky, And the best I can manage is a “Hi, how are you?... Oh, I’m good too.” I’m the odd one out. Forgive me if I ignore you. Have pity if I barely try. Because most likely If I spoke up, I’d cry. Please give me mercy, Please give me grace, Because it’s pretty hard to be The odd one out."